I get so frustrated and (much harder to admit) scared. Financial mistakes (numeral vs text on mortgage check don't match so the check bounces...) and then I think of all that I have not done, the adjustments I have not made. Still being/acting the role of the wealthy bankers wife when our business doesn't support it.
Convicted of living with blinkers on as to avoid seeing and earplugs so as to not hear realities I don't like and choose to ignore. I wonder how much stress that adds to a man with a compromised memory who nonetheless knows the 'man/husband' need to provide security for both today and far into the future.
Tonight, picking dinner for delivery, Steve couldn't choose and started the eeny meeny minee thing and couldn't get any further. I helped with each verse to finish. Damn. He did like the scallops in vodka cream sause over linguine.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
beginnings
We married in February 1984, nearly 26 years ago and we were just crazy in love. Both of us had been married before, Steve (42) with two kids, Geoff 14 and Kate 12, me at 26 with none. We felt we had hit the jackpot and had the complete list of our desires for the perfect spouse.
Life has been really good to us - we had Steve's kids and a child of our own, Jessie, who's been a delight - the corporate world rewarded us well and about 15 years ago we bought a successful business that we've worked in together.
About 4 years ago odd little lapses started to appear in Steve's usually detail oriented habits. Bills paid for the wrong amount, proofs approved without the customer seeing them (and wrong). I wanted him to see a doctor but when he went to our health center they gave him a 10 minute test which he toasted. "E'nuf said"
A year or so went by and I found an internist for myself and as we talked I told him about my concerns for Steve. He suggested I get Steve an appointment which I did. Again the test was like Kris Kringle in the Miracle on 34th St. movie. Finally I insisted on going along and reported what we'd been seeing at work. Happily we were referred to a memory center.
At the memory center we both met with a psychologist and the lead neurologist; Steve also saw a testor who worked with him for more than an hour. As with the 10 minute test he did okay - had he not been a high achiever, high IQ person earlier in his life it would have passed as just average.
A funny aside from this - the doctor (neurologist) kept calling him Mr. S~. After a few of these Steve stood up, extended his hand and said, "Dr. P~ my name is Steve, what's yours?" We've been on a first name basis with "Bill" ever since.
The prescription was Aircept and Steve has been on that nearly 2 years. If it has slowed changes I am most thankful for I can't imagine where we'd be as the changes/losses continue inexorably.
Life has been really good to us - we had Steve's kids and a child of our own, Jessie, who's been a delight - the corporate world rewarded us well and about 15 years ago we bought a successful business that we've worked in together.
About 4 years ago odd little lapses started to appear in Steve's usually detail oriented habits. Bills paid for the wrong amount, proofs approved without the customer seeing them (and wrong). I wanted him to see a doctor but when he went to our health center they gave him a 10 minute test which he toasted. "E'nuf said"
A year or so went by and I found an internist for myself and as we talked I told him about my concerns for Steve. He suggested I get Steve an appointment which I did. Again the test was like Kris Kringle in the Miracle on 34th St. movie. Finally I insisted on going along and reported what we'd been seeing at work. Happily we were referred to a memory center.
At the memory center we both met with a psychologist and the lead neurologist; Steve also saw a testor who worked with him for more than an hour. As with the 10 minute test he did okay - had he not been a high achiever, high IQ person earlier in his life it would have passed as just average.
A funny aside from this - the doctor (neurologist) kept calling him Mr. S~. After a few of these Steve stood up, extended his hand and said, "Dr. P~ my name is Steve, what's yours?" We've been on a first name basis with "Bill" ever since.
The prescription was Aircept and Steve has been on that nearly 2 years. If it has slowed changes I am most thankful for I can't imagine where we'd be as the changes/losses continue inexorably.
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